Saturday, October 20, 2007

Week 7 Picks

Three things before we get to my picks this week:

1. As predicted, the Red Sox won last night behind Josh Beckett. But Manny Ramirez set off a crap storm the day before in Boston. Check out what he said:

“We're confident every day. It doesn't matter how things go for you. We're not going to give up. We're just going to go and play the game, like I've said, and move on. If it doesn't happen, so who cares? There's always next year. It's not like the end of the world or something."

Of course that didn’t sit well in Boston where every pitch of every game is like life or death. If the Red Sox don’t win this series it looks more and more like this will finally be the offseason where they dump Manny. But that quote got me thinking: Wouldn’t San Diego be the perfect place for this guy? That’s exactly how fans at PetCo feel 85% of the time about every game. There’s absolutely zero sense of urgency at that place.

Ramirez is a great hitter in Boston. Imagine how good he’d be in a city where the temperature at night from April to October fluctuates between 75 and 65 degrees and the majority of the fans have the same approach to baseball as he does. Even the fans that do care about baseball would be so happy that the Padres have a good hitter, they wouldn’t care about anything else that he does. Plus -- don’t forget that as a collective group our women make women in Boston look like livestock. Manny would absolutely love it here!

The Padres should offer Brian Giles and Chase Headley for Ramirez this offseason. Or if you want to do a bigger deal I would go Ramirez, Coco Crisp and Dustin Pedroia for Brian Giles, Khalil Greene and Chase Headley. Here’s what the team would look like if the latter deal went down:

1. Crisp- CF
2. Pedroia- SS
3. Ramirez- LF
4. Gonzalez- 1B
5. Bradley- RF
6. Kouzmanoff- 3B
7. Bard- C
8. Whoever they get to play second base- 2B

Of course this makes too much sense so the Padres won’t do it. Plus, Kevin Towers would never trade his goomah Khalil Greene-- the only one of his like 15 first round draft picks that panned out. God, I hate the Padre front office. I hope they all get syphilis this winter.

2. What’s up with LaDanian Tomlinson quoting Terrell Owens? Check out what he has to say about the Chris Chambers acquisition:

"Very happy about it," the reigning NFL MVP said. "I think we all know what type of player Chris is. He's going to take the pressure off a lot of us on this offense. Obviously, the receiving group, meaning Gates, Vincent Jackson he's going to take a lot of pressure off them guys, even Philip, having another target to throw to. As far as the running game, he's going to help us out in that, too. Teams are going to have to really now choose. If you want to play eight men in the box and leave them guys one-on-one. In the famous words of T.O., get your popcorn ready."

I love LT and all, but he already stole Lawrence Taylor’s moniker. Couldn’t he come up with his own line rather than quote T.O.?

3. California has decided to post the names of is biggest tax debtors online. Check it out. Deadbeats on the list include Dionne Warwick, Sinbad (not really that surprising if you think about it), and OJ Simpson (really, really not that surprising).

On to the picks (team listed first is the team that I picked):


New Orleans -9 vs. Atlanta
I can’t believe how bad Atlanta looked last week at home on Monday Night Football. It was Monday Night Football for Christ sake and to steal a line from Snakes on a Plane, they went down faster than a Thai hooker.

NY Giants -9.5 vs. San Francisco
As predicted, Eli Manning had his typical Eli Manning game on Monday turning the ball over three times, but the Falcons bailed him out with their aforementioned Thai Hooker Performance. Even thought I picked the Giants this week, I’m not quite sold on them yet and am waiting for the return of the Eli Manning who looks like he just took a dump in his pants. Their schedule is pretty favorable in the next few weeks so unless it happens this week we may not see Eli looking like his depends leaked until December 2 at Chicago at the earliest.

Tennessee -1 at Houston
There are too many injury questions to bet on this game. Is Vince Young or Andre Johnson going to play? If one sits and the other plays it will incalculably effect the outcome of the game.


Oakland -1 vs. Kansas City
Both teams are a mirror image of each other. Both teams have good running backs (LaMont Jordan / Larry Johnson), both teams play solid defense, both teams have veteran QBs (Dante Culpepper, Damon Huard) and both teams have young QBs waiting in the wings (Brodie Coryle and JaMarcus Russell).

But now that I think about it, both teams also have a bunch of differences so I guess there not mirror images after all. Forget I said anything.

Detroit -1 vs. Tampa Bay
I debated this game in my mind like a drunk stoner deciding whether or not he should go on a late-night taco shop run. On one hand the Bucs don’t have a running game and they’ll be on the road against an offense that can put up some points. And on the other hand you have a Lions team who could be one of those crappy teams that no one realizes is crappy yet.

Seattle -9 vs. St. Louis
Both of these teams are crappy. With the Chargers on their bye week I’m just hoping we don’t get this game in the second half of the day. Talk about a buzz kill.

Philly -5 vs. Chicago
Devin Hester is sick. Check out what I wrote about him my Top 10 Draft Prospects blog prior to the draft last year:

“The problem with this guy is that he never found a position in college. Miami tried him at CB, WR, and RB and never really played him at any position consistently. Where Hester will make his impact in the NFL though is in the return game since he’s a quick little fucker. I wouldn’t mind the Chargers taking a flyer on him in the 3rd or 4th round, have him return kicks with Sproles and develop him as a CB for when they decide they’re done watching Jammer suck.”


Buffalo +3 vs. Baltimore
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Baltimore is OVERRATED. With that said, I saw JP Losman in an interview this week after he got benched and have a question? What happened to ghetto LP Losman? Losman sounded like he went to the Allen Iverson School of Public Speaking when he first came into the league. Now, he sounds almost well-spoken, a little understated even. I wonder what happened? Was it because he lived in Buffalo the past few years? Did he marry a white woman?

Maybe ESPN can tackle this topic in its new show ESPN 360 or ESPN 60 or something like that.

J’Ville +3 at Indy
This is my chance to back my pick to win the AFC South and you know what? I’m taking it. Historically the Colts have struggled against the Jags and I don’t think they’ll be able to hang with a team as physical as the Jaguars coming off their bye.


Cardinals +9 at Washington
On paper, the Redskins look like they should win this one going away especially with Tim Rattay at the helm for the Cardinals. The problem is, the Skins have only ran away with one game this season -- the game against Detroit.

Cincy -6 vs. New York Jets
This has the makings of a game where the Bengals run up the score on someone. Unless of course, they’re more dysfunctional than anyone realizes and lose again. I mean, I’m almost to the point where I feel bad for Carson Palmer. That guy deserves to be on a good, thug-less team.

Dallas -9.5 vs. Minnesota
You’d think the Cowboys should win this one going away but the thing with the Vikings now have the Ultimate X Factor in Adrian Peterson. Every time you pick against the Vikings moving forward you’d have to think in the back of your mind if this will be a game where he goes for like 250 and with four touchdowns. Look at the game last week. Without A-Pete (my new name for him) the Bears would have won by 4 touchdowns. Instead, they lose by 3.

On a side note, I drew criticism this year in my keeper fantasy football league by trading Chad Johnson and Tony Romo for A-Pete, Mark Bulger and Darrell Jackson. I’ve since released Bulger and Jackson but still, that deal sounds like a no-brainer right now. A-Pete is new LT.


Pittsburg -3.5 at Denver
Can we rename the 2007 Denver Broncos the Denver Punching Bags? A couple of plays here and there and this team would be winless.

With nothing else to say, I think I’m going to John Elways restaurant when I go to Denver in a few weeks. I wonder if their specialty item will be horse. (Da-bum-cha). Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

New England -16.5 at Miami
The Chris Chambers trade confirmed that Miami is done this season and the Patriots beating opponents by a ridiculous average of like 26 points. While we’re here, check out what ESPN columnist and Patriot fan Bill Simmons had to say about the Chambers trade:

“For instance, 0-6 Miami knows the '07 Pats could knock the '72 Dolphins out of the record books in three months. But what could they do to stop them? They're not beating them in a game. If they made a fishy trade to help out one of New England's rivals -- like, giving away Chris Chambers to San Diego for a late second-round pick, for example -- everyone would find it fishy and the league would crack down, because, after all, you're not supposed to cheat in the National Football League. They're helpless to stop it. In fantasy, fishy trades happen all the time and you can't stop them unless you have a commissioner who's stronger and more powerful than David Stern at his peak. Unfortunately, 98 percent of fantasy football leagues have a Gary Bettman type.

(Note: Thank God the NFL doesn't work like fantasy and San Diego couldn't steal Chambers away for a measly second-round pick simply because Miami wanted to take a dump on their fans, tank their season and preserve the legacy of the '72 Dolphins. Because that would suck.).”

This coming from a guy whose team got Randy Moss for a fourth round pick. What’s fishier? Randy Moss sulking through an entire season with Oakland forcing them to trade him, then restructuring his contract so he could sign with the Pats? Or the Dolphins -- a team who’s rebuilding, getting a second round pick for one of their few tradable players.

Bill Simmons is a great writer and all but comments like that make him sound like he’s a little frightened of the Chargers now that they have a good receiver on their team. Hopefully the Chargers go to New England in January with Norv Turner and give him and the rest of those smug jerk-off Patirot fans a nice big crap burger to eat.

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